TURNING YOUR DEMANDS INTO DESIRES

“I must succeed.”
“They should treat me better.”
“Life has to be fair.”

These are demands & according to REBT, they often lie at the root of our anxiety, frustration, and low mood.

It’s completely okay to have desires of ourselves, others, and the world.

We can prefer success, kindness, and fairness…
…but when we demand them, we set ourselves up for disappointment and emotional distress because the world won’t always match our rules.

REBT can be used alongside CBT to help make sense of this:
It offers a clear way to understand how our beliefs shape emotions and behaviour, and how our assumptions and core beliefs feed into our CBT formulations.

Challenging rigid “must/should/have to” thinking helps loosen those deeper unhelpful beliefs and break old patterns.

Try this shift:
“I must succeed” -> “I’d like to succeed”
“They should respect me” -> “I prefer they respect me”
“Life has to be fair” -> “I wish life were fair”

Letting go of demands doesn’t mean giving up it means creating emotional flexibility so you can respond rather than react.